Thursday, December 29

K & JH

... lil' dialogue between K & Ji Hoon ...

JH: Are you okay now?
K: What?
JH: Acting like you don't know. Don't you know you have been weird lately?
K: I have, haven't I?
K: Like you said, I think I was depressed.
K: All the suffering past, and only good things seem to happen.
K: All of it was uncomfortable. A person can feel that way.
K: I am okay now.
JH: Really? That's good to hear.
K: Did you worry? I am sorry..
JH: Do you know, why am I so disappointed.
K: About what?
JH: You suffered by yourself, you took care of it yourself.
JH: I didn't do anything. Even I don't know what caused the suffering.
JH: But, it's good to hear that..

--- sometimes in JH's position is pathetic ---

Tuesday, December 27


... haha ...

Why are you smiling like that?
soooooo tengiiil..
even in my dream

Anyway, like I said, I like just the way you are ^^

--- thank you for brightening my morning ---


... seven pounds ...

Emily: Do you ever think about DEATH?
Ben: .. sometimes
# after she fell asleep
Ben: Sorry.. Actually, I think about IT everyday..

I didn't watch it completely,
so I didn't know what exactly his burden
But, why someone could talk like that easily?

--- they really have PROBLEMS ---

Thursday, December 22


... woot ...

I was surprised,
I've written all this posts by myself

What actually happened to me in this December ???

I'm moody and too sensitive,
I should learn to control it again

--- wew ---

my last december

[I was writing this post while on my way to home]

This has been a year or more
I was trying to stay as long as I could,
with all sorts of reason for completing my temporary 'alibi'
I've done everything, so I could be there..

But, nothing has changed,
nothing was holding me back..
And I've run out of reasonable
So, I've made my decision

I'm stepping forward, without looking back
Hope you enjoy your 'room', and let me fix mine ^^

[funny incident]
I wrote message "c u next year", and immediately removed it. Then wrote it again, and removed it again.. It happened many times, and finally I didn't send the message. I can't guarantee what I say, I don't want to expect more.. (vise versa)

--- goodbye, baby goodbye ---

Wednesday, December 21

A Letter to My Heart

Dear My Heart,

Sorry to say,
I'm sorry if I did too much to you..
I promised, this would be the last at this year
* dunno about next one :p

I knew that I don't like coffee very much,
but I still took that risks >_<
Because of some reasons, I've planned to not sleep tonight,
I hope I could stay awake

"save this night, save my holiday.."

So, please..
Please, don't get too hot or too cold..
And don't dag-dig-dug too hard
I am afraid if it should happen again
* ready or not, I'm dealing with the worst risks

--- jebaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal ---

Tuesday, December 20

What Love is All About

... Victoria - What Love is All About ...

Some interesting points (jackpot for me):
  • we genuinely care about the people in our lives
  • unsolicited advice actually drives a wedge in relationships
  • what people need is to know that they are loved unconditionally
  • if you find that you are correcting or "teaching" someone in every conversation, you probably need to adjust your approach
  • the truth is we've all been guilty of trying to fix, teach or correct someone else
  • give people room to grow because empowering others is what love is all about

Above all, love each other deeply, 
because love covers over a multitude of sins
(1 Peter 4:8, NIV)

--- evaluate.. evaluate.. evaluate.. ---

Sunday, December 18

hello Mr. Rude..

... hmmmmmmph ...

Somehow, Saturday always makes me stress, just because of 1 person
[applause for yooo] it's difficult to handle you

Side Story
I remembered, Simbok told me about Joel..
Joel went for shopping and met an unfriendly cashier, lots of buyer didn't get good services because of the cashier. She worked with 'way face', without a single smile, some buyers said that she was rude..
Joel started to think, "Why she did like that? Maybe, she is in trouble right now..".

And he started to talk to her: "Do you have any problems right now?".
Cashier: #shocked "Actually, I got a message, my child had an accident this morning, and I'm still waiting about his news. I'm worried about him.."
they have PROBLEMS

How about me?
I start my Saturday with smile, then I meet him, and he ruins my weekend, ouch..
HE IS RUDE.. And he never realize that he always rude, oo-em-ji..
[woot] His name is like his behavior, RUDE, doooh..
[gedhek.. gedhek.. gedhek....]

So, what is the problems?
RUDE's problems are himself..
Lee's problem is him..

I'm so stupid, I unconciously 'play' with him >___<

Let's find another 'toys'..
Sorry, all I can do is helping myself

help him == 'play' with him == I get stress

Thursday, December 15

like attracts like

... law of attraction ...

A few days ago, I started to think, "why I don't sneeze, while right now is rainy season..". That's so weird, because Simbok got it over and over again, but I didn't. Of course, it is a bless, I was fine, but I still felt weirdo..
So, unconciously, I had a thought: "when I would sneeze, when I would sneeze, when I would sneeze.."

Yesterday, I was cleaning my room, and my concern was "why those stack of papers/modules/books are too much". I didn't want to keep it, not useful, and selling them was the best option. Remember, they were too much, there were too heavy too, complicated.. 3 boxes full of papers, how much money that I spent for my college, while I didn't read them all, ckckckckck..

Somehow, my jun2 posted status in FB, he needed papers to sell, he want to save the money for mudik
# ahaaa..
I contacted him, and he accepted it. I prepared & packaged them to boxes, and clean my room was a MUST.
Ooo.. ooow.... I saw lots of dust there
# ahaaa..
And I still cleaned my room, no other option >___<

Then, I got my first sneeze
# ahaaa.. (feeling not good)
second, third, fourth, .... I got sneeze all night long
what a sneeze, eh, what a stupid thought

like attracts like

I started to positive thinking
"I get a car.. I get a car.. I get a car.."
# too positive, hahahaaa..

"I'm rich.. I'm rich.. I'm rich.."
# too naive, sigh..

"I'm healthy.. I'm healthy.. I'm healthy.."
# and it is great ^^

--- Simbok: healthy is a MUST ---

A Greater Treasure than a Friend

A Greater Treasure than a Friend
Savannah Outen

So far away
How did I lose my way
Even though we're worlds apart, you were always in my heart everyday

Travel far and wide
Fly across the blue moon in the sky
Sail through the clouds to places you have never been
You could wish a thousand times
Find the gold that pirates left behind
But you'll never find a greater treasure than a friend

Let's not pretend
That pixie dust could end
Every single tear that falls
Any problem big or small
You can mend

You can soar to Neverland
Fly right through the water fall and dance
See the colors change before your eyes
And let them believe

Float above the mountain top
Watch the fireflies light up the night
There is one everywhere you turn
so please believe

Cause I believe in you
You're the magic in my life
That has stones that sparkles bright
through and through

Travel far and wide
Fly across the blue moon in the sky
Sail through the clouds to places you have never been
You could wish a thousand times
Find the gold that pirates left behind
But you'll never find a greater treasure than a friend

Don't want the pain of losing you, again
I can tell you in the end
You won't find
A Greater Treasure Than A Friend....

Wednesday, December 14

December == Holidays

... somehow, I love Joel & Victoria ...
* actually, we love them..

Victoria said,
Maybe the holidays don't bring back good memories for you. Maybe you've been hurt, denied or rejected by someone. Maybe you are working through some pain right now. But remember, Jesus gave us an example of mercy, and He has equipped us by His grace to overcome. It's easy to take offense. It's easy to hold on to the hurt and pain of the past. But the best way to move forward is to give all that pain to God and let Him heal you. Receive His grace so that you can show mercy this holiday season and every day of the year!

I would sing this song (again)..

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, You gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

--- ring ding ding ding ding, ring ding ding ---

Monday, December 12

I got my answer

... thank you Victoria ...

A Change Will Do Your Relationships Good

so, how do I contribute?

--- thinking, thinking, thinking ---


wanted to feel angry
just because of what I've read
just because of what I've heard
just because of what I've seen

but I can't do anything

because that's not my right
because that's not me who suffer
because that's not me..

I know it's only temporary,
because it often happens..
* bad habit

but, isn't it too much?
or I less sensitive

You've made me regret for the things that I can't do


... nggodho ...

I remember what Simbok said,
"you can't change people, so you have to change yourself"

It sounds unfair, right?
And that's what I do right now,
changing myself..

"jangan nggodho.. jangan nggodho.. jangan nggodho.."
* 'nggodho' in any form

I hope, I could enjoy this new style....

--- what a complex life ---

Saturday, December 10

i'm so black

... black black black ...

hohohooo, I don't like this choice
never like being the 'black' one

so, thank you for all people
that can drag me to those position (again and again)
you're very kind..

and sorry if I can control devil inside me
my bad.. my bad.. my bad....

but don't worry, I don't so close to people on that mode
* I'm afraid if I can 'bite' everyone

Anyway, I create new playlist about this
njarag playlist

--- my bad ---

Friday, December 9

Dec 09

... Dec 09 ...

Part 1
I walked quietly to her room
I couldn't see anything, it was too dark..
Back to my room, and I took a mobile-phone

Part 2
I walked quietly to her room (again)
Still couldn't see anything, and tried to get light from mobile-phone
Saw her exact position, she was sleep there..

Then I came to hug and kiss Simbok
And I said: "Happy Birthday, mbok.."
I was the first gift on her birthday, she got my lovely hug & kiss

Ummmmmm, I think, I forgot to say something..
Tomorrow, I would say: "I love you"

And we got company too
Yesterday, Dec 08 was tengil's birthday
Hahahaaa, this all is not just a coincidence
*we believed like that ^^

--- Happy Bday ---
I love You

Tuesday, December 6


... oups ...

--- oups ---

Monday, December 5

just a simple plan

Last night,
I decided to become a 'jerk' for a while
# dunno why it came out just like that
probably, because I got 'bullet' from you

At least, I want to do what I want
I don't care about other people
Sometimes, breaking some rules could make you happy..
And I'm ready for the risks

This morning,
I woke up, then saw Simbok & Kopo were preparing for Christmas tree
# aaah, this December should be a great month
Suddenly, I canceled my last plan

I just sat there..
# resetting my brain
I didn't do anything..
# a song was played in my brain

# singging
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away


Sunday, December 4


... my new desktop ...

Mrs. Killer Instinct, Mrs. Dudul aka Chocho (LoL), and Mrs. Cute ^^

--- they really breaking my heart ---

Saturday, December 3

domino effect

... jedheeeeeer ...

song of this week
like being hit by the bullet

I never touch this playlist: 'korea - mellow'
# except in certain circumstances

Today, I listened to them all day..
# because, this is the right time

And as usual, feel sorry for my eyes
I got some bad cases
Bad domino effect in my early December, sigh

--- so, I don't care ---

Friday, December 2


... karma ...

It's better to use (word) 'karma' than 'sin',
looks simpler, smaller, and lighter for human,
but actually.. I don't think so....

sickness, sore, painful, hardship, misery, trouble

Simbok said: "Our Sabian said, the sick people is a sinner.."
I was imagine, I'm a sick one, I was there and heard him, and I have a BIG sin..
It's not like 'every people is sinful', but I got SICK because of MY SIN
What did I do before ???

She continued: "For the payoff of sin is death"
I hold my breath, hid my tear for a second..

I'm really sad.. It's too terrific..
Because we discussed about my relatives >___<
"For the payoff of sin is death", huuuuuuft T___T

Every single day, I should responsible for that,
what I've did and what I've didn't..
Seems not fair because I feel its effects
*somehow, I took part in their sin, maybe I was a passive-one..
So, let's start to responsible in present & future

Yesterday, I saw some 'Dementors' on the sky
And I got 'their' message